I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
