her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish my penis had an off switch
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
