he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
