i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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