I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
