Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
