Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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