Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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