After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
