I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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