goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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