yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
