I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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