Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
