A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
