i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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