I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
