those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
