hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
