i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize