When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
