Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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