the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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