we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize