I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
