Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
