do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
