this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
