i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
