I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
