my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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