ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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