i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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