she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize