She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
