Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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