I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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