Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
