I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
