The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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