the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
