I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
