I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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