You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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