We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
