You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
