She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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