Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
