So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
