And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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