I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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