so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
