remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
