I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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