i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize