I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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