Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize