he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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