you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
