he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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