just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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