I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
