Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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