Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
