I wanna passion pit in your ass
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
