were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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