My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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