tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
