She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A bitchslap is in order.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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