I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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