Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
