I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
