drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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