i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize