break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think my vagina is haunted
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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