My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
