I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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