I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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