My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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