His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
