i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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