maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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