My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize