I heard we made out
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
