he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
