sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
