Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
